Overcoming Alcohol Addiction Addiction + Denial = Out of Control

My addiction used to control me. It overwhelmed the person inside of me, and I became a stranger to my family, and to myself. All I cared about was having another drink. All I thought about was where and when I was going to get my next drink. My mind was totally and completely absorbed within my addiction, and I didn’t even know it. I was proud, haughty and selfish. I was an alcoholic.

Do you have an addiction? Some of us overeat, over drink, smoke, look at porn, gamble, do drugs, or become abusive. We can even be addicted to our feelings. When we let our negative thoughts control us to do wrong, we are under the power of our thoughts and feelings. Addiction controls several aspects of our character that keep us from coming to our full potential. I know these things first hand; I have been there and done that.

Mentally the addiction affects the way we think and feel, and how we live our life. The addiction will literally stunt the growth process, and the addict will remain childish, selfish and insensitive to the needs of others. Psychologically the addict remains in denial, and will do just about anything to justify bad behavior to others while under the control of their addiction. Addicts are basically selfish people who only care about themselves even though they are real good at manipulating others into believing otherwise.

Emotionally the addiction makes the addict become overly defensive to anyone who tries to take away what he or she so desires. Addicts have a difficult time suppressing their negative emotions and are immature and childish. If they become too dependent on the addiction, they will justify reasons of why they think they are better people when abusing their substance of choice. Their low self-esteem keeps them very sensitive to how others feel about them. They are prone to finding faults in others to get any attention off of them.

Spiritually the addict is at a loss. He is desensitized to the spiritual self within him. The addiction keeps the addict from becoming the whole and complete person that God intended him to be. True potential is stunted. The addict does and says things that he normally wouldn’t if he were living his life without the neediness of addiction. The addict is missing out on so much in his life that he “wants and needs” too much, making him unable to give of himself.

In the days of my disease, I reveled in my negative feelings, denying my weakness and sins. My feelings literally fed my constant unhappiness. If I accepted the fact that God was my source for REAL happiness, I would have to admit my failings, something that a spiritually bankrupt person is unable to do. In essence, the addict desperately needs to have trust enough in God first to quit their addiction and then begin to grow out from the selfish aspect of their rebellious personality.

Alcohol and drug addiction affects the whole family. Family members are affected in different ways, especially the person who loves the addict and enables the addiction. This person is called the enabler because they sweep things under the rug, so to speak, pretending there isn’t a problem. Unfortunately, the enabler usually gets the brunt of the abuse from the addict because the addict expects so much from them. If the enabler doesn’t come through with the addict’s neediness and constant requests for things, the enabler had better watch out! The enabler is just as sick mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as the abuser. They both need help.

The enabler is the rescuer of the addicted person. As long as the problem is continually swept under the carpet by the enabler, the addiction will continue to progress further because no one believes there is a problem! Denying the problem exists runs rampant in homes where addiction is fed. The longer the addict continues to use, the worse it will be for everyone involved.

What happens to the person who is controlled by addiction? Many things take place, but some of the things that control the addict are not always apparent to anyone else. Usually what we notice first in the addict is the emotional imbalance of the mental and spiritual capacity, and the decline of health. But what isn't apparent about addiction is actually the most important element of who a person really is. And that is the lack of spiritual realism in the addicted person. He or she through their addiction denies the spiritual Christ to intervene within the framework of who they are. As long as the addicted person remains unspiritual they will remain a slave to their addiction. Unfortunately, it usually takes something very drastic and horrific to happen to the addict before they actually give up their addiction and ask God for forgiveness and help. This is called the “end of the addicts ropes”, or “bottom out effect.”

On the outside some addicts look like everyone else. They go to church, acknowledge God, raise families and have careers. But through all of this, they still lack the spiritual maturity and godly wisdom to realize the impact, and the consequences of their addiction. These things aren’t ‘t important to the addict. For the addict just being able to continue on with their lives without anyone realizing they have a problem gives the addict more justification and credibility for remaining in their addiction. They themselves remain in denial, talking them selves out of having a problem. They must bottom out! The setback with that is, the enabler keeps rescuing the addict’s behavior and so they never bottom out!

The addict one way or another must come to grips with his REAL source of who he is and with the potential of his existence. But if the addict is in denial, this is going to be difficult for him to do. The addict is usually a selfish and arrogant individual who hasn’t come to grips with who he or she is and so how can they know, understand, accept, and believe in their creator for guidance?

Enablers can do something to help the addict, but they’re afraid that it will somehow change the addict, or that the addict won’t love them anymore. In essence, the enabler needs to get help first, so he can then help the addict.

The three main reasons the enabler keeps saving the addict is below. The three main reasons the addict can’t stop using are below.

(1) Fear = panic, trepidation, apprehension, terror, afraid of the unknown, etc

(2) Denial = mentally refuse to believe, and emotionally refute, disclaimer,

(3) Spiritual loss = proud, haughty, unbeliever, rebellious, arrogant, self-righteous,

The addiction takes hold of the mind with such force the addict is afraid to even think of living without the addiction. Addicts try to stop, but their bodies and mind tell them they can’t. They are filled with fear and terror at the thought of not getting their next fix, afraid they will not be able to cope in life, but this just isn’t so!

At first abstaining from an addiction that has controlled the mind, body, and soul for so long does make us feel insecure and self doubting, but the addict can endure and overcome those fears through the help of God. But first before any of this will have any real impact on the addict he must WANT TO QUIT THE ADDICTION!!

By trusting in what God says is true, you can believe in the power of Gods words to help guide you away from your fears and into God’s truth and love. God’s words are the addicts comfort and refuge. Gods breath-filled words, and spiritual presence over-powers evil and reveals the truth in the addict. The evil is the addiction, and God's loving kindness is stronger and more powerful than any addiction.

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches to believe in a higher power because addicts are powerless to change on their own. This statement is very true. Why do you think addicts quit for a while only to go back to it again? They thought they had enough strength and will power to quit on their own.

When the addict feels scared, fearful, and insecure, or just plain weird in their body, they need to go to the scriptures. If they are tempted to go back to the addiction, they need to go to the scriptures, and ask for the Spirit of Jesus Christ to intervene for them in their temptation. They must trust in God with all their heart, mind and soul, and He WILL deliver them from the evils of addiction!

I know that God delivers people away from their addictions and sins, it happened to me! I prayed to God with all my heart and mind to guide me out of my addiction to alcohol. I also prayed that the craving for alcohol be taken from me for good. I have been sober for over twelve-years now, and I have not ONCE craved the desire to drink. As a matter of fact, when I see others abusing alcohol I feel so unpleasant inside, and deep sorrow for them because I know exactly how they are feeling, and what they are going through. It’s not good.

Jesus Christ is the power that overcomes all things that hold us in bondage. The foundation of truth, wisdom, and love is our stronghold! Take a hold of it now and let addiction go for good!

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Summary:
My addiction used to control me. It overwhelmed the person inside of me, and I became a stranger to my family, and to myself. All I cared about was having another drink. All I thought about was where and when I was going to get my next drink. My mind was totally and completely absorbed within my addiction, and I didn’t even know it. I was proud, haughty and selfish. I was an alcoholic.

Keywords: drug addiction, alcohol abuse, enabler to the addict, Jesus Christ, overcoming addiction with the help of God,

Resources:

Copyright 2005 Angie Lewis

http://www.heavenministries.com

Angie@heavenministries.com

Jumping The Hurdle of Addiction

I know that you can jump the hurdle of addiction and live a content filled peaceful life because I did, and I am. In my marriage and life I went through a lot of terrible emotions and marital issues during my bout with alcohol addiction. I have been sober for fourteen-years now, and I have never craved a drink, nor have I ever wanted to have a drink, socially or otherwise.

Addiction, like any adversity we face in life is just another hurdle we need to overcome. It’s not the end of your life because you have a problem with drinking today. It’s the beginning of a learning experience for tomorrow, and not just for the alcoholic, but for the loved one of the alcoholic as well. Adversity definitely makes people stronger. I cannot say that I am stronger because of my own doing but because of what God has done for me in my life. There is a difference. After spending years enveloped within an addiction, I came to realize that I was powerless to stop drinking and remain sober on my own. It is not our own strength but God’s strength within us.

What do you want to do with your addiction? To what level do you want to take it? The alcoholic may believe with all of his heart that he would like to continue drinking so he can feel good about himself. The enabler may believe he would like to continue rescuing the alcoholic every chance he can. If that is what you really want to do with the addiction in your life, then I would have to say you are still in the denial stages.

But let’s get past the denial stage, so we can hurry up and jump over this hurdle! A person can wallow for years in the denial stage of alcoholism and never realize they have a problem. The most unfortunate part about that is while living in the denial state of alcoholism, the alcoholic hurts themselves and others in its destructive path. Many people’s lives are turned upside down because of the insidiousness of alcoholism and other addictions.

For instance the loved one of an alcoholic may not ever take a drink themselves, but because they live with the alcoholic they go through the same kinds of emotional, spiritual, and mental turmoil as if they were drinking. The alcoholic harms his body in every aspect imaginable each and every day. The good news is an alcoholic can completely eradicate all aspects of addiction for good and never crave another drink again. I know this to be a fact!

The fact is we can wallow in our addiction and continue to suppress our full potential as people, or we can except the fact that we are beautiful children of God that just do not need the crutches of addiction. What do you want to do with your addiction?
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Angie Lewis has written three books on how to have a happy marriage. She has just finished her fourth book THE ALCOHOLISM TRAP: Understanding Why You Drink and What You Can Do To Achieve Total Sobriety. For more information about this book and marriage books, please visit: http://www.heavenministries.com

To see book previews, please visit: http://stores.lulu.com/angielewis

Loving Your Alcoholic Wife

If anyone knows what it’s like to live with an alcoholic wife it would be my husband, who for several years, battled with my addiction with me. That’s right, he battled alcoholism with me. Because I have been sober for fifteen years I can write about addiction with confidence. Alcoholism is a family affair and without knowing how to handle addiction, being married to an alcoholic is an ongoing battle. It does not matter who is the alcoholic, wife or husband – what matters is how you handle the affects. If your wife is an alcoholic there is great hope in her recovery by how you manage the addiction.

Through Al-Anon my husband finally learned how to stop enabling me and to move on with his life. “Moving on” with his own life does not mean that he left me, but that he learned to detach from my emotional outbursts brought on by alcoholism. We still lived in the same home, its just now my husband was not allowing my verbal abuse to affect him. It is not the end of your marriage because your wife is an alcoholic; it is through your strength to overcome the insidiousness of addiction that may bring the beginning of a new life for your wife and yourself.

It wasn’t always easy for my husband, but for him just having the ability to understand that my condition was not a reflection of him but a reflection of my own inner problems that needed healing, made a big difference in his attitude towards my addiction. What I’m saying is even though your wife may blame you for her drinking, you don’t have to believe that nonsense. Anything that comes out of a drinking alcoholics mouth is devoid of making much sense.

The alcoholic will always need to find someone to blame and you happen to be living with her. If she lived with her aunt she would probably blame her aunt. Alcoholics are good at trying to find someone or something to blame for their behavior. That’s because anytime they can find justification for their drunken behavior they will certainly jump on the chance to validate in their mind that it’s all your fault. When she blames you, simply ignore it, don’t fuss or fight with her because that makes you look like the one with the problem, and not her.

Your wife’s emotional problems do not have to be your emotional problems. Be of support and encouragement to her when she is NOT drinking but do not enable her negative emotions and verbal spurts of abuse. Distance yourself from her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually by telling yourself that your wife is sick and needs healing. By walking away you don’t take the emotional abuse. Tell yourself over and over again that by not arguing, blaming, yelling, fighting, and being verbally abusive back at your wife you are actually helping your wife to look at her drinking as a problem.

When a husband carries the burden of the negative emotions of his wife, the addiction will suck him in with it, and he will become just as emotionally and mentally sick as his wife. The more you allow the addiction to overshadow your own thought processes, the least likely your wife will get better or want to get better. A spouse can either be a detriment to the alcoholic or advantageous – it’s all up to how you handle the alcoholic.

A husband may love his wife with all of his heart and feel it is his responsibility to help her, and that is mostly very true, but it’s not a husband’s duty to help his wife to kill herself by enabling and rescuing her addictive behaviors – there is a huge difference here. He should not enable her antic behaviors or console her emotional impulses. It is a husband’s job to love and care for his wife, even when she is sick, but it is not his job to allow his wife to drain him of his own life in the process.

A husband must learn to detach with love before the addiction strangles him too! This is the only way he will be helping his wife to come to grips with her addiction and seek the inner healing she needs. A husband surely does not have to feed into his wife’s guilt trips – remember she will blame you for her problems. Be assertive about your feelings and let her know that you love her but not the addiction. Tell her you will not help her to kill herself. That means don’t give her money to buy alcohol with. Don’t drive her anywhere, even if she pleads with you. Do not carry her to bed, even if she passes out on the living room floor – leave her where she passes out.

Don’t allow emotional abuse to control what you do, or how you feel. If your wife feels like arguing, blaming, or screaming, simply walk away, or if that doesn’t work, take the children out for ice cream. Don’t stand around taking the abuse, do something about it, for your and the children’s sake. The more garbage you take in by the alcoholic the more you will begin to believe and even behave like the alcoholic.

Do let your wife know that you are praying for her to seek the healing she needs. Do let her know that you love her but you don’t love what the addiction does to her. You can love your alcoholic wife when you separate the addiction from her. God did not create alcoholics – alcoholics chose addiction. Do let your wife know that you appreciate her and need her but also let her know that you will not help her to abuse her body and mind. Do let your wife know that when she is ready to get the help she needs you will be there to support her every step of the way.