Angie’s Marriage Column ~ September 22, 2010: What can a wife do when her alcoholic husband stays out drinking all weekend?

Ask Angie: Dear Angie. What do I do when my husband sleeps out drinking every weekend this has been going on for 17 years and I am tired of this. He gives no explanations.

Ask Angie: I am in stressed. My husband sleeps out every weekend for the past 6 months. I know about submission, which I still, do all the duties a wife should do. I keep still waiting patiently for God to do the work in my husband. I pray thanking God for my storm, which brought me closer to Him, and I know the storm must stop but hey it’s getting to me. Please help. Do I confront my husband about this? I am so scared an argument will erupt.

To our readers: We’re sorry if it is taking a long time for us to get back with you with biblical guidance and encouragement. Our ministry is getting more and more requests for marital help, I try and answer each question as they come in but when you are swamped with marriage questions it may take up to 6 weeks to two months before you marriage question is answered! Of course, if your question is seriously urgent, please let us know and we will try and get to your question as soon as we can.

We also give biblical counsel through our marriage videos. We have over 240 helpful articles, and a self-help area for husbands and wives, plus marriage healing packages. There is no need to contact us twice with the same question, as we do answer EVERY question that comes into the ministry, whether privately or through our columns and newsletters. We answer every question as it comes in, unless it is of an urgent nature, where a spouse needs to have the guidance right away.

Please bear with us as we consider ways to better serve you, our readers and those who are suffering and need of biblical counsel. In the mean time, your support of our ministry through subscription to our marriage videos, and or donating to our healing packages or books and ebooks would truly help us to help you. We also will consider having a few volunteer article or blog writers for the Heaven Ministries Blogs.

Marriage Guidance: As anyone knows who has had to live with an alcoholic, addiction hurts. Unfortunately, no matter what you say, or how much you try to get your alcoholic husband to stay home on the weekends, he is most-likely going to go out anyway. They say alcoholism is the insidious disease and this is part of that insidiousness.

This surely does not mean that you cannot ask your husband to please stay home. But don’t get your hopes up thinking that he is going to listen. He may listen to you while sober and say he won’t go out again, but once they start drinking you never know what he might do. You are powerless over what the alcoholic says or does.

But you can determine personal boundaries for yourself that let the alcoholic know what they may or may not do while drinking in the home. Setting boundaries for you is not a way to threaten or control the alcoholic. On the contrary, your boundaries have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you!

Personal boundaries are put into place so you can live with the alcoholic without going crazy and becoming sick with them! Personal boundaries are physical, emotional, mental, sexual, spiritual, financial, etc. I talk about this and detaching in greater detail in our book The Alcoholism Trap.

I’m wondering, is he going out on the weekends so to stay away from you while he is drinking, or is he having an affair? Because our guidance for you will be two different things depending on what is going on here. So below is our biblical guidance for each situation.

If The Alcoholic Does Not Want to Drink Around Spouse
Do not threaten the alcoholic. And never talk to the alcoholic when they are drinking. But you can speak up for yourself in a nicely assertive way and let him know that you do not want him to stay out all weekend long, and to please stay home. If he is drinking and driving, endangering himself and others, it would be ridiculous to sit and do nothing, even though, he may become violently abusive if you try and take the car keys. This is why you need to talk to your husband when he is sober.

If he is not driving, I’m not sure why you would want him home causing alcoholic ado and uproar in the home. You see, I speak from alcoholic experience. If the alcoholic stays home and drinks, anyone who is in the home will be affected by “what the alcoholic does” while drinking, whatever that might be. Most alcoholics become verbally abusive, while a few become violent, some become stupid and happy, while some just keep to themselves until they pass out.

Where is your husband going? What is he doing all weekend long? Is he at a friend’s house? Is it at the bars? Is he drinking a driving? Since you really did not give me very much information to go on, there are a lot of “what ifs” and “variables” that you need to think about before you do anything. You say that he gives no explanation—so I guess you don’t even know what your husband is doing while gone all weekend long.

I understand that you want your husband home, but once you find out what it is like to be around a drinking alcoholic you may change your mind. This is why you should understand about detachment from the drinking alcoholic.

We have written a series of alcoholism ebooks that help spouses of alcoholics deal with living with someone who has an addiction. The ebooks explain in detail when to do detach, how to do detach and when not to detach from the alcoholic. Many times wives are the enablers of the alcoholic and don’t know it and they can actually hold back the alcoholic from getting sober. We also have written an ebook for spouses that show them How to Help Their Spouse Get Sober.

Bottom line here is if you are going to ask your husband to stay home on the weekends be prepared for it! Read our conquer addiction blog written for alcoholics and those who love an alcoholic—there are some excellent articles on there. Then read How to Detach From an Alcoholic Spouse to help you be prepared for dealing with the insidiousness of the drinking alcoholic.

Check out some of our videos on alcoholism as well. Here’s one on how to help the alcoholic to sobriety. And here is one on detaching from the alcoholic. Next week we are going to talk about when the alcoholic husband lost his job and wife is supporting him and if that is enabling or not. Subscribe to our videos so you will receive notice of new videos when we upload them.

If Your Alcoholic Spouse is Having an Affair?
First thing, if your alcoholic spouse is having an affair, it would be silly to endanger yourself with a venereal disease, so I would stop having sex. This is not a threat for the alcoholic to stop having the affair, but a personal boundary that you NEED to do to protect your physical health!

There is no other time except when a woman is sick or on her monthly that she should not have sex with her husband. Scripture is VERY clear on this. The wife’s body belongs to her husband and the husband’s body belongs to his wife. But when either one is abusing their body outside of the marriage, then we certainly do not have to endanger our health as well. (1 Corinthians 7:4-5)

If the alcoholic does not want to be accountable for their actions that’s their problem, which there will be consequences at some point. But you still need to protect yourself. This biblical guidance is for all spouses who are having an affair, whether or not they are alcoholic or not, and who will not stop living in this sin. Our biblical advice is given below this next question that was sent into the ministry.

Ask Angie: Below is a quote from one of your articles:

“The spouse of an adulterer is obligated to stay married to an adulterer. But if the unbeliever continues in their sinful ways, what can you do but let them go. The only alternative would be for the believer to deny their own faith to preserve the marriage, which in many instances would be worse than letting the unbeliever go.”

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)

“The above verse is not a loophole for divorce. In fact, it says nothing about divorce. It states, “If the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.” It does not say, “If the unbeliever wants a divorce, give it to him.” No, it does not say that. Divorce may be legal with the state, but in God’s eyes, even if you divorce, you are still married, unless husband or wife dies. Period! ”

My question is…what if the adulterous spouse keeps committing adultery and refuses to leave. Should I insist that he leave?

Marriage Guidance: Please send this to the adulterer who will not stop being unfaithful. This is an unusual situation. Usually when a spouse is so hardhearted and will not stop in the adultery, they leave the marriage. So I’m wondering what the motive is for the adulterer in staying and putting their spouse through such a degrading and emotionally harmful behavior such as adultery. It is VERY selfish.

“And a woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.” (1 Corinthians 1:7) I’m truly not sure that a continual cheater is pleased to stay in the home. Someone who is having a relationship with someone other than who they married, and they are not repentant, would NOT be pleased to dwell with their spouse—it seems like an oxymoron to me.

There is an underlying reason here “why” he does not want to leave the marriage. Perhaps he knows that it is just a fling and that he will want to stay with his wife. Perhaps he wants to just have a mistress as a side dish. Maybe his wife is financially supporting him? Or maybe, he truly loves his wife and does not want to leave the marriage. Could it be that he knows that there is no such thing as divorce according to God? If he believes that then where is the faith to seek Christ for his inner emotional and spiritual healing?

Our suggestion to you is respectfully but assertively communicate yourself with your husband and find out why he is staying in the marriage while having sex with another woman. Then you can pray about it, ask God for the guidance you need and proceed accordingly. I don’t want to suggest anything drastic if your husband feels he wants to work on the marriage at some point. Sometimes the believing spouse needs to detach from the cheating spouse and continue praying for them, hoping they will find their way to Christ.

In any case, it is terribly wrong when a spouse won’t stop cheating—they need healing that only God can truly help them with. To be living in the home while you are having sex with someone else other than your spouse is VERY disrespectful and rude to flaunt your sin in your spouses face. And I believe it is not what God wants for the believing spouse.

God wants the believing spouse to try and spiritually influence the unbeliever to seek Christ for their life but if they are too emotionally disgusted and distraught to help the adulterer than it is best they separate, at least until the sinning spouse stops in the adultery. If they never do stop or if they continue to have affair after affair, then you are NOT in bondage to them and you may remain separated. Here is what scripture says.

“And to the married, I command, yet not I, but the Lord, ‘Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:11) It is not a sin to leave your unbelieving spouse but it is a sin to remarry. God knows that it is difficult to not have your spouse with you and that you may get lonely, this is precisely why he prefers that if the spouse is pleased to dwell, do not leave or have them leave.

“God hath called us to peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15) For how will you know if you can really save your husband? If you have tried every available avenue to help your spouse receive Christ and they still are hardhearted what can you do? God wants us to live together in peace and harmony, but sometimes on rare occasions such as this, it is not likely. This is why God wants us to marry in the Lord and not be unequally yoked with unbelievers!

If a spouse is unwilling to be accountable to their spouse and they persist in the adultery, and if it is discouraging you from seeking God and staying faithful, then you as a believer, can ask them to leave, until they are ready to take responsibility for their actions and be the man or woman of God that God intends them to be. But of course, you can’t make them leave. First, before asking them to leave, find out why they want to stay in the marriage. Email us again if you need to.

Even though Christ Ones have the love of the Father to help them and shield them from problems within their lives, we are not made of steel. I only have to put myself in your shoes and to think about what it would be like to be in your situation to know what you are going through.

It is not only disrespectful towards the believing spouse, but it is degrading, emotionally hurtful and physically unhealthy to live with someone who is living in this way. This is why God does provide a way out in these rare occasions and under these circumstances by letting us know we are not in bondage to the unbelieving spouse, meaning we do not have to serve unbelief. “A brother or sister is not in bondage in such cases.” (1 Corinthians 7:15) This does not mean, however, that we are free to remarry.

Although we advocate that spouses stay together and try and work on the marriage there are rare instances such as this when the unbelieving spouse is not taking up the responsibilities of being a husband, not trying to be a husband, and deliberately sinning in their spouses face, so the wife should not have to live with such a person—it’s enabling him to continue in his lustful behavior. We are sorry for all people who have to suffer under such circumstances as adultery, especially those who are not repentant and continue to be controlled by worldly passions and lusts. (Titus 2:11-12)

Remember what God says if you separate from your husband… let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.

Take care and God Bless!
In Christ,
Angie and Frank
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Ministry
http://www.heavenministries.com

Can Addicts Cure Themselves Without God?

Can addicts cure themselves? Absolutely not! If we believe that we are a part of God and He made us in His image, than how can we step outside of this belief and be healed by some other source. Only those people who really do not have faith and trust in God would take such a stance.

I was on an addiction forum on Amazon the other day and someone asked if addicts can get sober without God. The simple question is, they can stop drinking without God but they will not be whole people and completely healed from within without God because God is our Source—God is our healer! This is what I believe because I believe what God says! God says He is our healer.

I often see ex-alcoholics who are bitter, resentful, unhappy and angry people who say they cured themselves from addiction. Are they truly healed? No they are not healed, for if they were they would be content and happy people, at least most of the time. If they are healed than why do they still go to AA? Why are they angry and unhappy? Why do they still crave their substance of choice?

There are many bitter filled people who say they are sober, but the symptoms of addiction are still apparent within them because they did not go to God for healing. God makes us whole people because God is love and God gifts us with love when we are faithful to His love and guidance for us. When we have sincere faith to believe that God will heal us of addiction then God WILL heal us!

There are many ex-alcoholics who stopped drinking through the power of Christ working within them, who are content, loving, happy people. When you ask them how they quit drinking they come right out and praise and worship our Creator—they do not take the credit for such an accomplishment. They say that God healed and saved them from addiction.

Can addicts cure themselves without God? Well, some people seem to think so. But they have nothing to compare their bodies to. For them feeling angry or bitter or hanging on to feelings of unforgiveness for someone, and or having cravings and being emotionally challenged is a normal way to feel. Not until they truly feel the peace and contentment of the Holy Spirit within them will they change their tune and realize that just because they may not be abusing their substance of choice, does not, in no way mean, they are healed and complete and whole people.

It is Jesus Christ who takes away our impurities and makes us whole people in Him. When someone says they got sober in rehab what they mean to say is “today I am not drinking or using.” Who really knows what tomorrow will bring for them.

Think about this for a moment: God created us with a body, mind, and soul. All three of these aspects of ourselves NEED to be healed BEFORE we are completely cured of addiction. That means we need healing not just in the physical sense, but emotional, mental and spiritual sense too. So if someone says they cured themselves without God, but they do not know God then they are VERY confused and unfaithful people.

And when Jesus was entered into Capernaum, there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him, And saying, Lord my servant lieth at home sick of the palsy, grievously tormented.
And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him.
The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed. For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me; and I say to the man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.
When Jesus hear it, he marveled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great a faith, no, not in Israel. Go thy way, and as thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee. And his servant was healed in the selfsame hour. (Matthew 5: 8-13)

If you have complete faith in God, then He will heal you of addiction!

We uploaded a new healing video on alcoholism: Stop Taking Responsibility for the Alcoholic! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jV4rGsVh8UY

How You Can Get Sober and Stay Sober For Good

Have you ever tried to quit drinking only to go back to it again and again? When you get sober are you getting sober for you or for someone else? It is my firm belief that the alcoholic must “want” to stop drinking and get their life back together for themselves BEFORE true sobriety will ever happen. When we are not convicted in our heart and mind to give up the addiction for ourselves we will have a difficult time staying sober.

Let me tell you a little bit about my situation when I first quit drinking and then you can decide for yourself. When I first got sober, about 16-years ago, I did it for my husband. I thought I wanted to quit so I could save my marriage, but I realized later, when reality hit, that I really didn’t want to quit drinking, but only wanted to appease husband and extended family.

I went into a rehab facility for 3-days and then went to a few Alcoholic’s Anonymous meetings, but because I was not getting sober for myself, sobriety only lasted a few weeks. I kept telling myself “reasons” why I could drink. Some of these reasons were really ridiculous but my mind was coming from an alcoholic perspective. The mind of an alcoholic does not “see” nor “understand” the depth of reality around them.

If the alcoholic is still in denial that they have a drinking problem, or if they are not ready to quit, or if they try and quit for someone else rather than for themselves, they will NOT be able to stay sober for any amount of time. If the alcoholic really wants to quit, they will through the power of God in their life. Only our Creator can save us from ourselves and free us from the wretchedness of this world.

I give thanks to God every day for giving me my life back! And I praise Him for making me whole in Jesus Christ! We can go to rehab, AA, counseling and our family can plead and beg for us to quit and threaten to leave us, but unless we’re convicted in our heart to quit because “we” want to quit it just won’t happen. Ah, yes, there are sober alcoholics walking around in society, but are they truly happy with their life? Are they truly free from the symptoms of an addicted mind?

God created us and He continues to breathe life into us, but some of us, especially those who are trapped within addiction are blowing God’s breath of life right back out—they have not yet accepted Christ—they are in bondage to addiction. The truth is we can walk this journey in life, stumbling around in the dark, hitting ourselves over the head in the process, or we can give up what is holding us back from God’s love for us.

We can humble our proud ways, and our wretched lives to Christ and begin to be the person that God intended for us to be—the person God intended for us to become in Him!! I’m a living, breathing testimony of God breathing life into me…if I didn’t have life I wouldn’t be able to give you this encouragement today. But God gave me back my life and He wants me to let you know there is a better way—His way!

Don’t waste another minute of your day, covering up your pain, your troubles, your past and your grief with alcohol. Give those things to Jesus and He will take care of your needs. But you have to trust Him. God knows your pain—He knocking at your door, but you have to answer the door and invite Him in.

God will give you peace and contentment…He says He will and I trust everything God says as true! Put your trust and faith in Him…today!

Alcoholics Are Special

Do you know why alcoholics are special? They are special because they have an uncanny ability to keep drinking alcohol even after the last person has left the party. You might be thinking, “That’s not special, that’s downright unhealthy.” Well, what do you think alcoholism is? Alcoholism is unhealthy in every form imaginable – physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

Alcoholics have always been a minority of misfits, drinking all night long, hardly able to manage the next morning, until the next drink, and then starting all over again. I’m talking about myself here – I can’t speak for all alcoholics. I literally felt like a misfit when I was in the depths of addiction. Anyway, the repetition or vicious cycle is what makes an alcoholic an alcoholic. If he or she could stop at one or two drinks they wouldn’t be alcoholic, right?

Actually what makes an alcoholic special is the sensitivity of their hearts when they are sober. Notice I said, when they are sober. Through my own research, and asking former alcoholics, I’ve come to the conclusion that alcoholic’s have a high sensitivity level towards people and their feelings that exceeds that of non-alcoholics, in general. This is why sober alcoholics and drug addicts almost always find themselves in a serving type profession helping other people combat their addictions and personal problems.

Former alcoholics make exceptional caregivers counselors, advisers, nurses, and other health care providers. And to me, that is special because the world could always use more good, caring people to teach others what they know and to help them overcome what has trapped them from within. If you ever need addiction help – the first and foremost aspect to look for in the qualifications is if they were former addicts. Rest assured, they will know more about what you are going through than someone that has never been addicted before.

Panic Attacks and Addiction

Have you ever felt panicky and afraid? Your breathing becomes erratic and your heart beats in flutters and moves about wildly in your chest. It feels like you might be having a heart attack. It's probably not a heart attack, but a panic attack. You can tell the difference. During a real heart attack, the primary symptom is a crushing sensation inside the chest that causes a person to double up in pain. Panic attacks do not hurt physically. During a panic attack, the heart beats rapidly and you may even be able to hear your own heartbeat.

Panic attacks are scary because you don't know what is going on with your body. I know a little bit about panic attacks because I used to get them periodically. The first time I ever had a panic attack, my dad called an ambulance because he thought I was having a stroke or heart attack. Panic attacks are not a serious health threat, and they have nothing to do with the health of your heart.

Some people may not get full-blown panic attacks, but might feel anxious, nervous or fearful instead. The good news is, panic attacks can be completely eliminated from your life for good by getting to the bottom of why you may feel panicky and or anxious in the first place. Panic attacks are only a symptom of something going awry with your emotions and, or physical health.
Addiction of any kind can cause anxiety and fear in us. So can feelings of guilt and shame. Not eating a good daily diet, and having low blood sugar can also cause nervousness and anxiety. Certain medications can cause panic and fear in us too. Heavy-laden emotions can make us feel nervous, fearful and anxious as well.

The good news is, we do not have to let our feelings control our mind and body. We can humbly pray about it, asking God to help rid us of our negative and destructive feelings that might be making us feel fearful and anxious. We can trust in God with all of our heart and mind, and He will take care of us.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

If it is guilt that is causing you to feel anxious and fearful, maybe you just need to stop doing something you know in your heart to be wrong, or stop behaving a certain way. Many things can make a person feel guilty. To overcome this destructive emotion, you should really try and get to the bottom of what might be making you feel bad. Ask God to help you rid your mind of these unwanted feelings.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7 NIV)
If addiction is causing you to feel anxious or guilty, then again, you need to believe with all of your heart and mind that God can rid you of the controlling forces of alcoholism and drug addiction. When we pray we really need to be sincere by praying in a genuine selfless way, asking God to deliver us from the depths of addiction because we truly want to quit in the addiction and are committed to God.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

This is the great and awesome works of our Lord and Savior! If you truly want to be free from panic attacks and other fearful feelings, God will take them from you forever! You will become a new person in Jesus Christ. You do not have to be a slave to your emotions any longer. Give them to God and He will take care of you.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified' do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 NIV)

7 Tips For Staying Clean and Sober

Be Around Positive People

Try and find positive, happy people that know what you are going through, preferably who have been down the same road as you and are now sober and ready to support and encourage you in your sobriety. Try not to be alone too often, unless you are having quiet meditation and need the alone time. Happy people bring happiness to others.

Eat A Wholesome Diet

Eating whole foods can make a BIG difference in how you feel physically and will also affect how you feel mentally. Wholesome foods are always best when trying to maintain a clean life from drugs and alcohol. Limit sugar intake to a bear minimum. If you feel an absolute need to indulge in sugar, try “raw bees” honey, which you can find at farmers markets. Bee’s honey has minerals and vitamins in it and is an excellent substitute for white sugar and other processed sugars. FACT: Bee’s honey is sweeter than white sugar.

Take Up A Hobby

What do you enjoy doing, but feel you never have the time? Make time for the things you like and enjoy – you deserve it! Invest your time and energy in something you can be proud of doing. Whether it is a craft, building something, volunteering, or whatever it is you like to do, make the time and just do it. We need to feel good about “who we are” while being free of drugs and alcohol – the best way to do that is by doing things that we enjoy doing and that will give us a sense of accomplishment. We don’t need the crutch of drugs any longer because we CAN love the person God created us to be!

Get Involved!

Idleness can be risky to an addictive personality. The little voice in our head rears its ugly horns and tells us its ok to “use” again, especially when we are bored, lonely, and or depressed. Find out what is going on in your community and get involved. If you enjoy meeting people, attend your AA meetings regularly. Seek friendships that enjoy the same recreations as you and ask them to be a support for you when you feel tempted. Get out and do something!

Help Others With Addiction

Reaching out to others and supporting them in their efforts of addiction can help the addict immensely. I believe when the time is right for the drug and or alcohol user to help others to stay clean is the number one factor in them remaining free of mind-altering substances. Helping others gives us a satisfaction that no other can.

Take An Online Course

Improving ourselves will help to maintain sobriety. There are many ways in which you can improve and enhance yourself. Taking an online course (trade) in something will keep your busy and also show you that you can do something without the need to be under the influence of mind-altering substances. Of course, we should never compare our abilities and skills with others, but we can compare ourselves with ourselves. Where are you at now in your sobriety? Set goals and work towards accomplishing something new for each goal you set. And by all means, have fun doing whatever it is you decide to do. Reach for the S T A R S !

What Happens If I Relapse?

You have not failed because you relapse. You are normal because you relapse. We all have relapsed when trying to find our way out of the alcohol and drug trap. Never allow a relapse to discourage you from coming to sobriety. As a matter of fact, when we succumb to our addictions we can actually learn from them. Most of us fall back on our addictions for many reasons and here are three of those reasons. See if they ring a chord with you as well.

Not Committed

The first reason is because we just weren’t ready in our heart to stop the addiction – we felt anxious and fearful being without our best friend, and so our uncommitted heart caved in under pressure. We have all done it. Think of addiction as a “hard to break bad habit.” But don’t fret too much over it. Just because you’re not ready to quit now, certainly does not mean that you won’t be committed later. Keep trying and don’t give up!

Have you ever listened to the little voice in your head telling you that your addiction is ok? You know the voice – the reliable little guy that keeps telling you reasons why it’s okay to keep feeding your addiction. It goes something like this. “I’m not really addicted, I can stop at anytime” or about this one. “If I was not married to so and so, I would not need to drink anymore.” We have all heard this one. “My life is just too stressful and I only need it to unwind.” We hear the voice and we listen because the voice is a symptom of addiction.

Same Friends – Same Places

Now I am sure you have all heard the old adage, “birds of a feather flock together”, right? Well, it is very true! We relapse because we have not changed our friendships and lifestyle. But a newly sober addict cannot be around the same people or places they were in before – it’s like driving with a blindfold on, hoping you can stay in your own lane. Whewy! Life comes at you fast when we aren’t taking the needed precautions that we ought to.

Lack of Supportive Friendships or Collaboration

It is difficult to be alone and remain sober. We all need friendships, especially encouraging ones that we can go to when we are feeling down. It is never a good idea to be in negative relationships when trying to overcome our addictions. We need to choose friends that are REAL friends – they hang in there with you when the going gets tough and they help you get tougher. These kinds of birds are harder to find, but if you hang out in the same places as these birds you’ll find some great friends.

“You'd be surprised how much fun you can have sober. When you get the hang of it”. - Joe (Jack Lemmon) in Days of Wine and Roses, 1962