The best way to love an alcoholic spouse or loved one is with detachment towards the behaviors of the disease. Let the alcoholic know that you do love them but it is the addiction you hate. And because you hate the addiction so much you are unable to be around them when they drink. Become knowledgeable about alcoholism so you can better understand its cunning and baffling ways.
Separate The Person From The Addiction
Alcoholism is a sickness just like any other sickness. In fact a person with hypoglycemia would physically and emotionally feel much like a dry alcoholic would. Alcoholics almost always have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) because of the adverse affects of alcohol on the body. When someone is sick with diabetes or hypoglycemia it is not the substance of “who they are” it is what has been created in their life because of circumstances and triggers connected to them. It is the same way with addiction of any kind. Addiction is a hurdle that can be conquered.
5 Triggers That Spark Addiction
Alcoholism is created in our lives because of underlying triggers and circumstances being present. These factors are physical, heredity, environmental, emotional and spiritual.
1. The craving for alcohol is the physical aspect of addiction, and has a lot to do with diet.
2. Past baggage is the emotional, mental, and sometimes spiritual aspects that offset addiction.
3. Environmental is people we are close to that are alcoholic or were alcoholic. For instance, if a person grew up with an alcoholic parent, that person is more likely to become an alcoholic or marry an alcoholic.
4. The spiritual is the connection the alcoholic has with God.
5. Heredity is genes from an alcoholic parent or grandparent.
All of the above are major triggers that reinforce addiction in a person. But these triggers can be healed and that is how the addict becomes sober and stays sober. The alcoholic can’t just stop drinking and think they are healed; there is more to it than that. If the alcoholic just stops drinking and does not take action to heal and or change his circumstances then he will most likely not stay sober for very long.
Stop Putting Band-Aids on the Alcoholic’s Wounds
Every time the enabler kisses the boo-boo and puts a band-aid on the alcoholic’s wounds, they will never fully realize they are sick and need healing. For example, if a person continually gets bad headaches and they cover up the pain with aspirin, they will never get to real reason of “why” they keep getting headaches. “Why does the alcoholic drink? What circumstances and triggers are present that can be eliminated from the alcoholics life. All triggers can be healed and done away with for good with the right addiction counseling, intervention and Godly support, expect for the heredity factor.
You have to allow the alcoholic to tend to his own wounds for a change. If the enabler keeps covering up the wounds the addict will never take charge of his own behavior, reactions, and circumstances. Covering up the alcoholic’s behaviors with band-aids only reinforces in the alcoholic more denial that he or she even has a problem.
You help the alcoholic best by pulling yourself away emotionally and that takes effort on your part, but you can do it. Love, support, and encourage the alcoholic when they are NOT drinking. Cut the ropes to the disease but love the person. Do not become trapped within the sickness of addiction anymore. You have to start rescuing you for a change and you can only do that by letting it go.
Ask Jesus to help you to detach with love from the alcoholic. Never underestimate the power of prayer in your life. Keep praying for the alcoholic because God does hear your prayers. He knows the suffering and pain you are going through every day. This is precisely why you need to go to Him and ask Him to give you the strength and faith you will need daily to cope with loving an alcoholic.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:25)
Before I end this article I would like to leave you with some encouragement from the book of ALANON.
Why do I waste my precious time and energy trying to figure out what makes an alcoholic drink—why he doesn’t consider his family, his obligations, his reputation? All I need to know is that he suffers from a disease—alcoholism, the compulsion to drink. Why shouldn’t I have compassion for him and his illness when I am so ready to feel sorry for people who have other diseases? Do I blame them? Can I cure him by reproaching him? Can I look into his heart and realize the true nature of his sufferings?
Today’s Reminder
The fact that I am the spouse, child, parent, or friend of an alcoholic does not give me the right to try to control him. I can only make the situation worse by treating him like an irresponsible naughty child.
“On this day I promise God and myself that I will let go of the problem which is destroying my peace of mind. I pray for detachment from the situation, but not from the suffering drinker who may be helped to find the way to sobriety through the change in my attitude and the love and compassion I am able to express.”
ALANON – One Day At A Time.
The Alcoholism Trap: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-alcoholism-trap/946885
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18 comments:
Hey There Angie,
I read your post because I am living with an acholic. I agree with everything you say and after 10 years of pure H... I have started applying the very same principles you speak of. It's not easy. The emotional rollercoaster acholics put on the family members can be overwhelming. I am disabled with arthritis and fibromyalgia and unable to work, I get a disability check which is barely enough to pay what bills I have and to buy what ever groceries we need. On July 2 of this year my husband became physically violent with me, but I had managed to call 911, shout out my name and address and phone number then hang up. He was sitting on top of me trying to get the phone out of my hands. He was still sitting on me with his fist drawn back ready to hit me when the 911 operator called back. He answered but wouldn't say anything when she asked him for his name. Instead I answered her. She told me to get up and leave, I told her I couldn't because he was sitting on me. She told him to get off of me, he did, and I went outside and waited for the police. This was the first time he had ever done this although he had started to become unpredictable some months before this. This was not the first time I had used the method you suggest.
He had never really acknowledged that we were man and wife, that the house we live in was ours, he has his own bank account and I have mine. He has always made sure that I understood that it was his house, his cars, his money and so on. He gave me the job of paying bills and paying for any household items that were needed. Now, he has informed me that I am never to touch his bank book or use his money in any way to pay for the care of my animals, office supplies, my medication or doctor bills, or even the groceries. Unfortunatly, I don't make any where near the amount to cover all these expenses. Our cell phones are in my name and I pay that bill but now I can't even do that because in July after this incident he ran up a $350 cell phone bill when he was on one of his drunken episodes. He gave me $100 to cover what he thought was sufficent and told me that I had to pay the rest because I owed him that money anyway and more. He has treatened to have me arrested for stealing his money and wanted to know where I had it stashed. The really sad thing about this is that he doesn't remember saying or doing any of the things I tell him when he's sober. He says I'm lying about it all.
He informed last week that if I filed for divorse he wasn't going to give me one dime and that I was going to leave with exactly what I came into the relationshp with, NOT A THING. I told him he might want to get a lawyer for that one. Georgia law states that when a spouse is asking for support it is up to the judge if they deserve it or not.
He has also told me that when I quit taking my pain killers he'll quit drinking. How sad, I take 100 mg of Tramadol a day for arthritis pain and I take 25 mg of Savella for Fibromyalgia pain.
He had gone to rehab and they told him I was a drug addict because I took prescription pain medicine. I really want to leave but unfortunatly I have no family, and no means to support myself as of yet. But I don't give up easily. I would say our relationship is not repairable. The countless nights of verbal abuse has left far deeper scares than any physical abuse even the worse drunk could leave.
Hi Angela,
I'm really sorry to read of your suffering. When an alcoholic becomes physically abusive you need to separate yourself from them. If your husband is still drinking, it will happen again.
Do you have a private area in your home you can go to when your husband starts drinking? If not and he starts drinking and getting violent, you may need to leave--go to a shelter, a friends house, anything, just leave.
Your husband needs help. Is he willing to get help? I am glad you are understanding how to live with an alcoholic, but in your case they are violent, which makes it harder, especially when you rely on the alcoholic for financial support.
Pray for your husband and marriage, Jesus to come into your life. Talk with someone at a shelter in your area, you may have to temporarily leave until if and when your husband stops drinking.
Keep God in your life. You can't do this alone...go to Alanon and meet other women who are going through the same thing as you are, believe me you will learn a lot from Alanon. You may meet a friend you can move in with.
My heart goes out to you, and I will be praying that your husband seek Christ for his life and get sober and for God to keep you safe under His loving wings. God Bless!
In Christ,
Angie
Speaking as the child of an alcoholic, I'd like to express my appreciation for the effort that was put into this article. I'm glad that there are people who are willing to sacrifice time and effort to inspire others to give up their harmful vices. Learning how to live with an alcoholic is much easier when you know that the alcoholic wants to change for the better. Thanks again!
Hello All,
I am actually posting because I am a 23 alcoholic that is quickly going down the wrong road but looking for help. 9 times out of 10 i can drink a few drinks and be fine but that 10th time... i become another person. I usually explode into a rage and become emotionally or verbally abusing towards my wife, lashing out with the worst things i can say trying to "protect myself" because I have deep hurt that only comes out during these times. Recently I was arrested for a DWI and have 3 months without a license. On top of that, last weekend I got drunk again and off one little comment from my wife flew off the handle. For the first time in my entire life, i put my hands on her and pushed her when she tried to get past me. I am now starting to attend Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program. I want to get help and I have admitted that i am an alcoholic and that I cannot change myself or overcome it on my own.
Do any of you have suggestions of how to love my wife and support HER as she deals with an alcoholic husband at 23 and as she tries to support me?
I pray that God holds you all close and protects you physically, emotionally and spiritually. He is powerful and can change lives.
Hi Nick,
Thanks for having the courage to write in. Usually it is the spouse of alcoholics who comment, almost never the alcoholic themselves.
Just the very fact that you are not in denial about your addiction and you know that you have an alcoholic problem is the first step towards recovery!! The first step is one of the most difficult to overcome. Admitting you have a problem with alcohol.
We have some very good ebooks and books on how to get sober and stay sober "for good" on the Heaven Ministries Website. As a matter of fact right now I am offering as a free gift to our readers my personal testimony of how I achieved sobriety. Another good book that will help the alcoholic is called "THE ALCOHOLISM TRAP".
This book will help you understand "why" you drink, how to truly get sober, and "why" you become verbally abusive with your wife and how to do that.
So, come over and visit the ministry for the free book called Journey on the Roads Less Traveled and check out the other book on our website or Amazon.
Take care,
Frank and Angie
Hello everyone i really appreciate this site what linking me to the solution to my problem.... Few weeks ago i was here to request for some prayer regarding my marriage when i saw a testimony that was posted by a lady names Lucy... How Dr Ekaka help her to restored her marriage back... i feel it was not real but i have to put Dr Ekaka ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com into test by contacting him with my own problem and he told me all i needed to do... i most say spell caster are real and Dr Ekaka is powerful and you have to try it and see... I have just have my husband back home from United Kingdom and now living with me in USA after some years of separation... i most say a big thanks to Dr Ekaka for his wonderful work.
My name is Sarah Jacoby from USA, Three weeks ago I and my boyfriend had a conflict, so with that he broke up with me saying he no longer wanted to associate with me anymore, I never knew he was interested in working out his marriage with another girl, I was helpless because I loved him so much more than myself, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands, he really was leaving me, I could not stay without him, I tried to figure things out with him but he is not listening me, he told me that he is no longer interested that I should look for someone else, I tried all my best but things were not working out, so I had no choice than to look around for help, I went into search of spell caster to help me bring him back to me with the help of spell and after searching I actually finalize to work with (maduraitemple@yahoo.com) in regards of my lover. after 3 days as Dr Madurai told that my lover will return. my lover returned in surprising way, I was chocked and was so happy I can't say how much I'm grateful, My lover not only came back to me, but has left his other girl and now has engaged me, we are getting married next month, I don't know what I would have done without this spell caster you can contact (maduraitemple@yahoo.com) him today . is spell is for a better life
Hello I am CHIZZY PEACE ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR ADAGBA the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr Adagba about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR ADAGBA at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com. and get your problems solve like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com
Am Julia Andrea From USA I never believed that i could finally get back the happiness and the love that was gone after my husband left me totally. I couldn't just believe that spells and magic could turn my thoughts and my dreams into reality in getting back with my husband after he served me with divorce papers.. my ex husband after the divorce never showed up to me and the kids anymore, he finally made up his mind on me and said it was over. 2 years after our divorce, i was still out trying to get him back and i did all that i knew best could make him happy, and my mum and everybody around just advised i should forget about him and move on with my life, because they felt he was gone forever and was never gonna return. But i never gave up on trying to get him back, because i so much loved him beyond what anybody could ever imagine. I met a spell caster, and what drew my attention most was the fact that this spell caster was from Africa when i contacted Dr ATILA. And that so much gave me the assurance because i have heard much more on how he has helped alot of people... and with the help that Dr ATILA rendered to me, he saved my marriage and reunited me and my ex husband back together again with his powerful spells. Thank you so much Dr ATILA for your help in reuniting me and my husband again, if not for you, my life would have permanently turned out to b a mess. His mail:atilahealinghome@yahoo.com.
An amazing testimony of a powerful and genuine spell caster who brought my husband back to me,. i live in England, and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited. { adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com }. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven {8}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than as it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same and you can also reach Dr Adagba through his mobile number +2348115200304,if you are in any condition like this or you have any problem contact Dr Adagba ,{ adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com }, Thanks for reading . "
Hello to the people of this forum< Am chizzy from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR UKO has done for me , it all started last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at first him was still calling me and show love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i tried to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me again that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i tried talking he will hang the phone on me i was so heart broken and i was frustrated about this , but on a second thought i was not convince that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR UKO of ukospelltemple@yahoo.com saying that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me tried i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold dr uko said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and started saying on the phone am sorry it was like a dream to me , with this i said i will tell the world of his dr UKO goodness in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
email ukospelltemple@yahoo.com or WHATSAPP HIM VIA; +2347064650019.
Hello to the people of this forum< Am chizzy from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR UKO has done for me , it all started last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at first him was still calling me and show love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i tried to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me again that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i tried talking he will hang the phone on me i was so heart broken and i was frustrated about this , but on a second thought i was not convince that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR UKO of ukospelltemple@yahoo.com saying that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me tried i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold dr uko said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and started saying on the phone am sorry it was like a dream to me , with this i said i will tell the world of his dr UKO goodness in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
email ukospelltemple@yahoo.com or WHATSAPP HIM VIA; +2347064650019.
Dear friends, my name is Monica Jason from United states I had a problem with my husband 8 months ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, i was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me. until the day i saw a post online of Wilson Cheney shearing testimony about how a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too. i email Dr AITAFO the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2 days and was so happy to have him back to me. With my two kids together and we are happy with our selves. thanks to Dr AITAFO for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work the great spell caster email address :(atitafospelltemple@yahoo.com) or his whats app Number+2347067607073. .
Hello to the people of this forum< Am chizzy from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR UKO has done for me , it all started last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at first him was still calling me and show love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i tried to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me again that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i tried talking he will hang the phone on me i was so heart broken and i was frustrated about this , but on a second thought i was not convince that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR UKO of ukospelltemple@yahoo.com saying that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me tried i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold dr uko said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and started saying on the phone am sorry it was like a dream to me , with this i said i will tell the world of his dr UKO goodness in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
email ukospelltemple@yahoo.com or whatsapp him on +2347064650019
My name is JOY i am from Chicago am 25 years old i got married at the age
of 23 i have only one child and i was living happily .After one year of my
marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don’t really
understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i
love him so much that i never dream’s of losing him, i try my possible best
to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail, i cry and
cry seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend CASANDRA and she
promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR PRINCE, she told me he
is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing
concerning love issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help
countless number of people in restoring their relationship. I was really
convince, I quickly contacted his email address at
dr.princearataabraham@gmail.com . I explained all my problem to him, he
told me that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved
immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he
said after 3days my husband will come back to me and start begging, and it
really happen as he said, i was very surprise, this is so amazing. To God
be the glory our relationship is now very tight and we both live happily
again. If you having similar problem, Contact him now(
dr.princearataabraham@gmail.com) and get your problem solve once and for
all. i am living testimony to it. 1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you
always have bad dreams. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You
want women/men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to
be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8) If
you need financial assistance. (9) How you been scammed and you want to
recover you lost money. (10)if you want to stop your divorce. (11)if you
want to divorce your husband. (12)if you want your wishes to be granted.(13)if you want the AVRS herbal medication for hiv,cancer,ulcer.
once again the email address is dr.princearataabraham@gmail.com you can also contact him on +2348163241499
i am giving this testimony cos l am happy My name is mrs. Lara Mark from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in July this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. UKO.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address ukospelltemple@yahoo.com Great UKO i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr UKO.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. ukospelltemple@yahoo.com or his website: ukospelltemple.wixsite.com/mysite
A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER Dr,Abaka HE SPECIALIZES IN RESTORING BROKEN MARRIAGES CONTACT HIM DIRECTLY ON HIS EMAIL OR WEBSITE (Https://drabakaspelltemple.blogspot.com direct address drabakaspelltemple@gmail.com)..What else can i say rather than to thank Dr, Abaka who God used to reunite my marriage. Each day of my life, i ask God to bless Dr,Abaka for he has made my life complete by bringing back my wife to me and for this reason, i made a vow to my self that i will testify on the internet to let the world know that Dr, Abaka is a God on Earth. My wife and i had a fight for three days which led to our divorce. On this faithful day, i came across a testimony of how Dr,Abaka helped a lady in getting back her lover. So, i contacted him and explained to him and he told me that my days of sorrows are over that my wife will come back to me within 48 hours for he's going to prepare a spell for me. Could you believe it, my wife came home begging that she needs me back. Do you need any kind of help? Contact; (drabakaspelltemple@gmail.com) OR call his phone number via +2349063230051.
I have tried dozens of love spells and had no success. I was online and came across Great Matatan Spells. I was having an issue with my partner we have both been separated for 4months. I thought I would try one more time. I was told that my case would be done in so little time. I must admit I was a bit skeptical with my past experiencs and all. However 2days later here we are back together with my partner and we are doing better then ever. If it was not for Great Matatan powerful Spell I do not know how I would be able to cope with life any longer. Thank you so much for all your help: ( matatanspell@yahoo.com CALL/WHATS-APP:+233 20 926 0493 )
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