Does Your Alcoholic Spouse Still Love You?

Does your alcoholic spouse still love you?  I'm going to start right off the bat explaining how it really is when you are married to or love an alcoholic. The first thing to remember is they are not themselves.  Thy were not born alcoholic. Alcoholics become alcoholic through the many factors that foster addictive behavior in people. Alcohol changes a person that drinks and many times those changes are negative towards others, especially those who live with and love an alcoholic, such as a spouse. Spouses receive the brunt of the alcoholics behaviors, whether good or bad.

Not Themselves

The alcoholic can love and does love in the ways they know how to love as an addicted person.  Note the emphasis on "as an addicted person".  Addictive people often bury the feelings and emotions they don't want discovered and there they stay. More about that in a moment.   Yes, the addicted person still loves you but unfortunately they love alcohol more. Addiction makes us selfish and unable to provide "genuine love" to others while in the throngs of the addiction.  And because alcoholism is an progressive health issue the behaviors seem to get worse over time. 

Maybe you married an alcoholic who was not in the last stages of the addiction and they were more loving and caring towards you. But as I stated previously, alcoholism is a progressive addiction that enhances every facet of our bodies, namely mental, emotional, physical and spiritual and with that being said the alcoholic in your life may be showing signs of being in the depths of the addiction, where he or she is incapable of showing love in the proper manner.  

Alcoholics Bury Feelings

So yes, even though the alcoholic seems to not love you anymore, they do love you in the only way they know how as a drinking person who has entangled themselves into addiction.  Alcoholics tend to bury their feelings deep within themselves because if those feelings get out, he or she would have to feel something and they don't want to feel; that's precisely why they drink, to make themselves feel better.   Do you understand?   Alcoholics are very good at managing their emotions with booze.  And unfortunately that is part of why they are addicted.

So what can you do?  Detach with love. The alcoholic may forget to tell you they love you but you can always let them know you love them, just not the addiction. Read some of our articles on detaching from the alcoholic with love.  You desperately need to set boundaries for yourself so you can heal yourself and then help the alcoholic you love.   This will give you the encouragement and hope you need to continue to live with and love the alcoholic in your life.   

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Blessings,
Angie and Frank